Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize