Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
