Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
