It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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