in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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