Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
