I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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