TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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