I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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