I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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