i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
