guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
should my penis look like a turkey
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
