I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
