I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
