whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
