I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
