White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
