he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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