I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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