He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
