he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
