Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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