u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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