Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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