They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just want to make out with him forever
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
