I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
