We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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