I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
