I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
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If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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