I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16