OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"