you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.