I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.