Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.