Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
