i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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