he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
