Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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