There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
