It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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