i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
