it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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