2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
