So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
