How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
