You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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