So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize