I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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