sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
