remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
