I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
