Cold hands, warm shart.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize