Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
