I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
