WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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