dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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