I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
