There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
