I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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