Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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