I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
