I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize