my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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