The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
