carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
