May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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