I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
