The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
