Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
